A group of strangers are invited to the fabled Fantasy Island.

Each one signs up for their most secret desires, and they come true, with shocking realism. It doesn’t take long to realize that their dreams aren’t working like they expected and there are bigger forces at work, here.

Can the strangers band together to help each other fix their fantasies? Or is there a more sinister purpose to all this; one that won’t let them escape from this tropical paradise?

Based on the TV show from the ’70s, Blumhouse (who has set themselves apart as the horror movie studio) has inexplicably given us the reboot that no one ever asked for or wanted.

With an updated, sci-fi horror twist, this film was cheesy and just plain silly.

It looked good. The CGI and makeup was convincing. The location (filmed in Fiji) was absolutely a tropical paradise. Other than that, the characters were over-the-top ridiculous, the plot was predictable, and the premise was just plain terrible.

There are a number of well-known actors involved. Michael Pena, who is in everything these days, runs the island. He seemed bored with the role himself, much like I was, watching him. He put forth no effort whatsoever.

Maggie Q was adequate in her role, which is the same exact role I have ever seen her play. Lucy Hale played your common, everyday horror movie girl. They tried to make her seem smart and tough ... but it never really came across.

Ryan Hansen was terrible. Just terrible. Jimmy O. Yang, Portia Doubleday and Austin Stowell all gave disastrous performances as well. The only reaction to any of the action was either cringing or boredom.

The film was quite violent. There was plenty of shooting, explosions, burning people, drowning folks, war and torture. None of it was terribly grotesque or graphic, since they did shoot for the PG-13.

I think this film could have only been helped by going for the R rating, though. There is some pretty strong language, but it’s not too frequent. Still, surprising for PG-13.

There is no nudity, but right up to the line, as one fantasy involves plenty of scantily clad women (and men) through most of the film. There is some innuendo and plenty of talk, as well. There is plenty of drinking and drug use, as well.

While this is more of a thriller than horror movie, it’s still a very different take on the TV show from yesteryear. If Blumhouse had actually believed in what they were making (or the actors that halfheartedly brought it to life), then maybe it could have been at least a little bit of fun.

If you decide you must satisfy your morbid curiosity, I would recommend sitting all the way in the back of the theater ... so nobody else can see you watching this movie.

I give it a snore-inducing 2/10.

This movie is not suitable for children, and only older teens and adults who get a kick out of terrible B-movies should go see this.

Side note: The worst scene of the entire movie? The gratuitous “de plane, de plane!” scene will make you groan out loud.

Rated: somehow PG-13 for violence, terror, drug content, suggestive material and brief strong language

Runtime: 110 excruciating minutes

Wade Modisette is a local husband and father that seeks the best and most appropriate entertainment for his family. A movie connoisseur in his own mind, he seeks to educate his friends and community on quality choices for their family. Find more reviews and information at wadereviewsstuff.wordpress.com.

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