DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been a couple for three years. We live together and have an incredible relationship and an amazing sex life. A while ago, he was approached by a strange woman on social media. Through Hangouts he told her she was beautiful and that he was looking for the right woman to be with. Their communication lasted about a week.
It has now happened again. He handed out his phone number, and this one has sent him videos of her dancing wearing next to nothing. He tells her she has an amazing body and made comments to the effect that she must be wild in bed and he thinks only of her. When he talks to these other women, he tells them he lives alone.
When I tell him this bothers me, he doesn’t get upset. He swears he has feelings for only me and no one else, and that he’s just having a little fun. I want to believe him, but I feel hurt and disrespected when I read what he’s saying to these women. My heart is heavy because he used to talk to me like that and no longer does. Should I be worried? — SHARING HIM IN OHIO
DEAR SHARING HIM: You should not only be worried, you should be out of there. You may have invested three years in this person, but the sooner you divest yourself of him the better it will be for you. His actions show that his word cannot be trusted. He’s not only lying to these women, he is also lying to you. Men who love and respect women do not treat them the way he is treating you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 13-year-old girl, and I’m bisexual. Some of my closest friends know, but that’s it. Mom doesn’t know, and neither do my gramma or papa. I’m afraid if I tell them they’ll be disappointed in their little girl. Also, I’m growing up without a father, so that may have something to do with it. I wonder if not having a male role model is why I’m driven to like girls.
It took me a while to figure out that I was bisexual. It was at the beginning of seventh grade, when people were talking about being bi. So I guess I need to find out who I am as a person.
When I told my friend I was bi and I liked her, she was shocked and surprised. I think she took it the wrong way and thought I was asking her out. That afternoon she came up to me and said, “I like you, but only as a friend. I hope this doesn’t damage our friendship.” For me it did, and I haven’t gotten the courage to go talk to her about it again. I was only saying that to tell her how I FEEL, not to ask her out. — INSECURE AND CONFUSED
DEAR INSECURE AND CONFUSED: You are right that you need to find out who you are as a person. You are very young and still discovering. People do NOT become gay or bisexual because of conversations they hear in the seventh grade or because their fathers are absent. Sexual orientation is simply a part of who we are.
You were clumsy about the way you “outed” yourself to your friend. Put aside your fears, talk to her again and explain that you weren’t asking her out, and the feelings you were describing were not directed at her. If she’s truly a friend, everything will be all right.