STALLARD: New college kids could use a GPS

It’s great when I’m not sure where my next turn occurs, or when there’s an accident jamming up traffic miles ahead — something I won’t see until I’m right up on it. My little spy in the sky is pretty good at guiding me around such disasters, and oftentimes I won’t even know what messes I’ve avoided.

My navigation wizard also does a great job warning me of changing speed limits, or construction sites or any other possible issues with the potential for getting me a ticket or running over a pop-up barrier.

In fact, my GPS is so smart, it can tell me nearly to the minute when I’m going to arrive where I’m going.

Ain’t technology awesome?

Well, yeah. Most of the time.

For whatever reason, the little lady inside my phone hates when I deviate from her chosen path. Man, she flips out. She had my route all planned, and if I so much as pull over to pee somewhere, she starts repeating instructions to get back on track immediately. The more she repeats herself, the more frantic she sounds. I once forgot to turn down the volume on my phone when I popped inside a convenience store, and it sounded as if I needed instructions to the nearest potty.

Yeah, I know she means well, and while she can get pretty bossy, it’s still good to have her around.

So where was she (or someone like her) back when I made my first attempt at college? Why didn’t we have this kind of guidance when we were young and clueless about where we needed to go?

My first semester of college, should I ever decided to write about it, would fall under the “horror” genre. Not only was I the lost young guy in the movies who was wading into a potential chainsaw massacre, but I also was the guy who refused to listen when someone told me those noises coming from the barn weren’t normal. It took time for me to realize how many of my college wounds were self-inflicted.

Had GPS technology existed back then, I can almost hear this same in-my-phone lady trying to keep me steered in the right direction as I made my first attempt at higher education. Along with the normal, “Turn left” or “Turn right” instructions, she’d have had her hands full trying to keep me from crashing headlong into hazards I chose to ignore.

“Steer clear of Procrastination Drive. Steer clear of Procrastination Drive.” She’d have repeated it 50 billion annoying times, and I still would have ignored her and kept driving.

All the way until my due dates passed and I failed the assignment. She’d have heaved her forlorn sigh, “Recalculating” in her effort to steer me past the wreckage. She’d try again on the next assignment, but she was gonna be just as disappointed.

She’d also have told me, “Keep straight Focus Highway.” As in, do not turn down any side streets leading to the parties or any other fun my non-college-attending friends were having. At least not until I took care of business. Sadly, if I couldn’t find a side street taking me off my path, I’d invent one. Anything to keep from doing actual homework or studying.

I can almost hear Lady GPS practically screaming, “Caution! Washout ahead!” She was sure right about that. “Washout” is a great way to describe how my lack of direction led to my first-semester failures.

If only I’d have had some kind of guidance system.

Actually, I could have had one if I’d been serious enough about college to use it.

For any students about to tackle the dreaded first semester, please understand a few things I’m hoping will help you avoid my earlier fate.

First, your instructors/professors want you to succeed. No one wants to see students fail. Ask yourself: What makes any teacher look better? Having more students passing or more students failing? Duh.

But those professionals have to require high standards, meaning people like me who halfway completed work and hoped for a high grade will experience disappointment. My grade wasn’t what my professors gave me. My grade was what I gave my professors. That single “100” I made on an assignment didn’t average out well once I added in the four or five “0”s along with it. How was that my professors’ fault?

Next, don’t think of every little detour as some sort of sign you’re never going to finish your journey. Some of those are inevitable, but not necessarily impossible. Life is going to get in the way, period. It’s too easy to take a detour as a sign to give up, when in reality, it could just mean a slight delay.

Finally, ask for help. Yes. Activate the GPS systems already in place (meaning the people who want you to succeed). Don’t wait until you drive your vehicle off a bridge and sit at the bottom of the lake to ask someone to toss you a lifejacket. You’ll know when things aren’t going well immediately. That’s the time to ask for guidance. Trust me, there are people on every campus willing to ensure you’re still floating. You’ve just got to be willing to paddle.

Navigating college life in the beginning can get more than a little tricky, but no trickier than any other long road trip can be.

And driving around those hazards can be a lot more rewarding (and fun) than crashing into them.